Sir Stanley’s Cup

Summer was made for ice. This summer's Stanley Cup Playoffs have plunged the sports-loving world into the same frozen frenzy that the 2010 Winter Olympics did.

It was only three months ago when Roberto Luongo and Ryan Miller became household names thanks to their unwavering composure and impenetrable goalie glove-work in Vancouver, British Columbia.

With the beginning of summer's swelter come America's national pastimes as it proves that chicks dig the long-ball right alongside the ungodly vertical leaps and inhuman athleticism of the NBA Finals. Golf fans are already salivating at the potential of the U.S. Open as it strives to elevate the polarizing rivalry between Lefty and Tiger from Pebble Beach – a course that's hosted some of their most iconic victories. The entire world has been amped for the FIFA World Cup via South Africa. The drama-drenched storylines feature everything from the ongoing righting of apartheid's atrocities to the betting odds for the Three Lion's, Les Bleus or the Yanks. This summer is more jam-packed than Old Trafford when the Red Devils take up battle against Chelsea.

The most exciting event has already been initiated, as the battle for Sir Stanley's Cup has gone viral. The playoff beards are in full bloom as Eastern Europeans, Canadians, Americans and all other forms of international tough guys adopt the lifestyle of the Bible's Samson – their winning ways and strength come from their lack of grooming.

The Barry Melroses and Don Cherrys of the world illustrate their mastery of pronunciation with every Ovechkin, Evgeny and Brodeur they utter.

Hockeytown's jurisdiction has never stretched far from the frigid northern states, unless in the form of a national victory, like the one in February, before Sidney Crosby went beast-mode, beating Team USA in overtime of the Gold Medal game. His sudden death one-timer teleported the small rubber puck past the aforementioned impenetrable glove of Miller into the mesh, stealing upset glory from the Red, White and Blue while saving the Maple Leaf faithful from a universe-shattering mental breakdown.

USA's beating of Canada at their own game would have undoubtedly initiated the apocalypse – imagine if the Canadian Football League came south of the border and smacked any NFL team. Even the lowly Lions –from Hockeytown, mind you – could post Tebow-esque numbers against the CFL's best. That's the level of

embarrassment that Canada was locked in the most intense staring contest with, before Sid the Kid did what he does.

He won a Stanley Cup in 2009, beat Alexander Ovechkin's Russian National Team along with their own hockey-bred squad of five Terminators, and bounced back from a humiliating defeat at the hands of the Yanks – in a qualifier, Canada took the medal game – for the Gold. That was all in the span of on hockey year.

Now Crosby is back on the ice with his once again favored Penguins as they look to outlast the NHL's most elite teams.

The manicured tundra that makes up a hockey rink will spend all summer hosting everything from Sharks to Devils, Canucks, Kings and Senators. Bruins, Blackhawks and Coyotes will face Avalanches, Sabres or Predators. In what other league can you see a Flyer wage war against a Red Wing?

This is mythical stuff.

These men come from the most unreachable ends of Siberia to the most populated cities in the land of the free and everywhere in between as they slap, deke and block the inch-thick puck, forfeiting their own teeth in the process of play.

These blade-skating monsters perform simple dentistry on their own bench – Eric Belanger is now in the market for a nice set of dentures as he de-toothed himself in the Capitols' series-clinching game. His self-administered root canal claimed seven of his teeth, and he returned to finish the game with bleeding gums.

The NHL, the least popular of America's big three – MLB, NFL and NHL – defines parity as any given night can feature an upset defeat at the hands of any ice-gliding ghoul and their team of bruisers. Americans love the upset opportunity, and hockey is a sport that cannot be played on paper; stats don't matter because the 60 minutes on the ice are unpredictable.

Keep an eye on Sir Stanley's Cup; the journey to it is beautiful, but the most gorgeous part comes after the competition.

Nothing is cooler than the gummy kisses that land on the sterling sides of the Cup

Get it. Got it. Good.